So there are not a lot of things that I speak out on, or rather, against. I must admit, that I've gotten a little soft, a little lazy over the years. I have a lot of friends who are very active and articulate - they talk the talk/walk the walk, and are so dope that they move others - and when agree with them I cede to their words, forward emails, attend events, support organizations, etc. In a sense, I guess you can say that I fall back on the adage that, "actions speak louder than words." And I figure, they say it just right, better than I would say it, so why do I need to?
Well, while that is all well and true, I do realize that I have to get off my ass, or rather, unbutton my lip more often, to join the voices that speak out against injustice. Because injustice and oppression are so immense that they need to be fought with everything we've got.
There are many forms of violence against women. Domestic violence in particular, has been making headline news.
So I was on my way to class this morning (I train in self-defense and martial arts under Guro Eleanor Academia at the Magda Institute). On the radio was Steve Harvey, talking to the Editor-in-Chief of Essence Magazine, discussing the Rihanna & Chris Brown situation. This has been headline news since the incident a month ago. Everytime I hear it or read about it, I just cringe. My heart breaks for her, for young women, for all women who have been beaten by their partner. What pisses me the hell off, are the responses of excuse - "well we don't know all the facts," "she hit him first, he could have crashed his lambo," or the jokes, which I care not to repeat. Because it's not a laughing fucking matter.
These are the thoughts that were also articulated by Steve Harvey and EIC Angela Burt-Murray. He went on to say, that if any man hit a woman he knew and he found out, that he will go out and whoop dude's ass, that dude would have nowhere to hide. Yes. Thank you.
Just before class began, my teacher thanked everyone for the well-wishes as she participated in an all-Filipina cast for the Vagina Monologues. She acknowledged International Women's Day, and the masses of women in Darfur who have been raped and killed, and women globally who suffer from violence. She brought it back to our class - she acknowledged our privilege as women here in the US, that our struggles may not be as extreme as in other countries, but that even as we train to protect ourselves and our loved ones, this is one way we contribute to stopping the violence against women.
While I train with my sisters, my mind is focused, clear. As I am walking back out into the real world, driving home, my teacher's words resonate, as do the voices on the radio. I think about the rest of my day, and how in a few hours I will be joining the women of Gabnet at their annual Political Fashion Show, where together we will continue to raise our voices and our fists to stop violence against women. I thought back to when I was a student employee at UCLA, when my co-worker, another Pinay, whispered to me in hushed tones as we put away books, how her live-in boyfriend had been hitting her. Her quiet plea to please don't tell, and how her mother and sister told her to get over it, that he's a good man and he may have just been mad. Oh and he worked with us too. I couldn't be friendly anymore. But I didn't tell him anything. Oh how I regret it now.
I thought about the organization Break The Cycle, where my homegirl works (shout out to Belle!). She asked me to help out for one of their fundraising events last month. I had a great time, meeting new people and having fun. However, there were these little moments as I walked through the venue, thinking, how many women I've known, strong, fashionable, beautiful... and very well could have been abused. It was a comfort to know that organizations like this exist. I was thankful to experience the words of poet Mayda del Valle, who wrote a piece about domestice violence. (Another time that I felt, see she said it perfectly!) At first she was concerned it would bring down the energy in the club, but it didn't. It reminded us what we were raising funds for that night. I hope you get to hear it one day, if you haven't already =)
I thought about my family members and friends, who have been assaulted and abused. Their faces, their smiles, their voices, their anger, their sadness, their beautiful hearts ... and their will to keep going. I thought about those that I don't know, in Darfur, in the Philippines, here in the US, and all over the world. I thought about what I learn in class and how I have no qualms hitting punching kicking or stabbing someone who has harmed a woman or a child. And I have no qualms about kicking that man in the groin because if you hit a woman, you have no balls anyways.
Physically speaking, women are generally smaller and our brute force tends to be weaker than men. Women, by nature, are non-violent beings, as we have the ability to carry life inside of us. To protect life, a woman must be protected, not attacked.
Sure, we mouth off sometimes, maybe a lot, and we get angry. A woman may even break your heart. Men, that may piss you off. But it is still no reason to lay your hands on her. On us. How would you feel if a man hit your daughter, your sister, your wife, your cousin, your friend, your mother? If someone inflicted pain on someone that you love?
For men who do this - please stop. It's ok to go to counseling to figure out why you do this. It's not impossible to end this behavior. There are therapists and other resources out there to help. It may be difficult but letting go of the anger or whatever else makes you so this, but when you do, you open yourself to a better life. To peace.
Women, my sisters. From the ones I know, to all worldwide. Please don't stay silent if a man hurts you. Don't STAY AT ALL. Speak out. You are not alone, even if it might feel like it. Fuck the judgments and all the other bullshit. Speak out for yourself. Love does not hurt. We are here for you. There are resources out there.
Love does not hurt.
END VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN. NOW.
***
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE(7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224
Break the Cycle: http://breakthecycle.org/
http://www.ncadv.org/protectyourself/GettingHelp_128.html
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