i ache for this kind of day, especially lately. no to-do list to complete, or places i need to be. actually, i really did need to spend time with my parents, as i was beginning to miss them, and my usual weekly visits with them have been less frequent since the holidays. we went to church, had some dim-sum, and took a nap.
totally BORING for blog content. (for far more interesting content please see my komadre's site. she ROX!) but in this world where it seems the pace gets faster every day and our tech-driven culture aims to grab every millisecond bit of our attention...
...i've been feeling lately (a longer "lately" than i prefer) that i'm just trying to keep up, stay on top, and get ahead...
...i've also been feeling that i'm not doing so great with some of my responsibilities to others (especially those i love), to my goals, and to the future...
i just ache for this kind of day. where i can reflect about some things, and let some tension and anxiety about the aforementioned feelings dissipate a little bit, and hopefully give space to some answers and solutions.
there is truly something amazing about "the grind," "the process," and "making it happen" - i've enjoyed the highs that my endeavours in these realms have brought me thus far. but sometimes it's just nice to have some time like this.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
I gotta see what's up before it gets me down....
yesterday.
was kinda in a funk. morning had good energy, with the sun warming up the city. but i dunno just one of those days where i was on some uugh whatevers. nothing was 'right.' again with the... 'what is my purpose and what am i doing with my life' ish. as one of my good friends would say, "would you like some cheese with that whine?" lol.
dailyom's message for the day: ....if complaining has become a huge part of our identities, it may be time to take a good look at how we are spending our energy.
basically telling my ass to shut the hell up already. it's all really not that serious.
pulled in a bit of a late day at work, and then went to the COMMON show at hob. the late show. yes i did complain that it was late. that i'm getting old and can't hang. my feet hurt (breaking in some new cute shoes). that there was traffic. and no parking. well, $30 parking (wtf tho, right?!) and obnoxious frat boys.
earlier that evening ana and i reminisced about how we used to be so active, angry, we hustled, we didn't let sh*t get to us. we let people have it! what happened to our dreams ... like mine of opening a performance space/office/gallery/storefront. lol. read: more complaining.
when we got situated, and Com came on, finally the lesson of the day hit me. here i was, out with the homegirls, enjoying some good music and good times. even though i've seen him i think about 10 times, Common is still special because, in addition to his skill as an MC and performer, I admire his growth as a quality artist over the years. Didn't succumb to violent or misogynist hip hop. Didn't leave hip hop behind in his quest for other things. Also brought him to my campus in my undergrad days. My ex group opened for him, and that was special to witness too.
no more complaining. it was a great show. in addition to his string of dope songs... i was particularly happy to hear "drivin me wild" live, amongst the other good ditties.
busta rhymes and mr. misunderstood kanye made appearances. kanye did 3 songs. nice =)
***
today.
dailyom:
Small Steps To Big Change
Making Big Change Easier
Sometimes the goals we set for ourselves are merely indicators of the need for change and are useful in getting us moving in the right direction. But it is possible that once we try out what seemed so ideal, we may find that it doesn’t actually suit us, or make us feel the way we had hoped. ...Taking small steps forward gives us time to adjust and find secure footing on our new path.
Life doesn't always give us the opportunity to anticipate or prepare for a big change, and we may find ourselves overwhelmed by what is in front of us. By choosing one thing to work on at a time, we focus our attention on something manageable, and eventually we will look up to see that we have accomplished quite a bit. Forcing change is, in essence, a sign that we do not trust the universe’s wisdom.
i have to remember small steps are ok. sometimes i belittle my "issues" because i don't see them as "as big" as what others got going on - kids, marriage, mortgage, health, etc. i have to remember not to compare my ish with someone else's, rather to respect that this is what the universe gave me, so i must follow suit. just me, no one else. even if they keep knocking at my door, calling my phone, emailing, im'ing, texting... i'll get to you don't trip. just let me get there. i tend to concern myself with what other's think, to a fault sometimes. and then get all anxious, and freeze up...
ok. need to stop all that. break's over.
was kinda in a funk. morning had good energy, with the sun warming up the city. but i dunno just one of those days where i was on some uugh whatevers. nothing was 'right.' again with the... 'what is my purpose and what am i doing with my life' ish. as one of my good friends would say, "would you like some cheese with that whine?" lol.
dailyom's message for the day: ....if complaining has become a huge part of our identities, it may be time to take a good look at how we are spending our energy.
basically telling my ass to shut the hell up already. it's all really not that serious.
pulled in a bit of a late day at work, and then went to the COMMON show at hob. the late show. yes i did complain that it was late. that i'm getting old and can't hang. my feet hurt (breaking in some new cute shoes). that there was traffic. and no parking. well, $30 parking (wtf tho, right?!) and obnoxious frat boys.
earlier that evening ana and i reminisced about how we used to be so active, angry, we hustled, we didn't let sh*t get to us. we let people have it! what happened to our dreams ... like mine of opening a performance space/office/gallery/storefront. lol. read: more complaining.
when we got situated, and Com came on, finally the lesson of the day hit me. here i was, out with the homegirls, enjoying some good music and good times. even though i've seen him i think about 10 times, Common is still special because, in addition to his skill as an MC and performer, I admire his growth as a quality artist over the years. Didn't succumb to violent or misogynist hip hop. Didn't leave hip hop behind in his quest for other things. Also brought him to my campus in my undergrad days. My ex group opened for him, and that was special to witness too.
no more complaining. it was a great show. in addition to his string of dope songs... i was particularly happy to hear "drivin me wild" live, amongst the other good ditties.
busta rhymes and mr. misunderstood kanye made appearances. kanye did 3 songs. nice =)
***
today.
dailyom:
Small Steps To Big Change
Making Big Change Easier
Sometimes the goals we set for ourselves are merely indicators of the need for change and are useful in getting us moving in the right direction. But it is possible that once we try out what seemed so ideal, we may find that it doesn’t actually suit us, or make us feel the way we had hoped. ...Taking small steps forward gives us time to adjust and find secure footing on our new path.
Life doesn't always give us the opportunity to anticipate or prepare for a big change, and we may find ourselves overwhelmed by what is in front of us. By choosing one thing to work on at a time, we focus our attention on something manageable, and eventually we will look up to see that we have accomplished quite a bit. Forcing change is, in essence, a sign that we do not trust the universe’s wisdom.
i have to remember small steps are ok. sometimes i belittle my "issues" because i don't see them as "as big" as what others got going on - kids, marriage, mortgage, health, etc. i have to remember not to compare my ish with someone else's, rather to respect that this is what the universe gave me, so i must follow suit. just me, no one else. even if they keep knocking at my door, calling my phone, emailing, im'ing, texting... i'll get to you don't trip. just let me get there. i tend to concern myself with what other's think, to a fault sometimes. and then get all anxious, and freeze up...
ok. need to stop all that. break's over.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
mardi gras!
fat tuesday. the day before catholics start behaving for 40 days. ha.
i was in new orleans a few weeks back, vacationing and visiting my best friend. just so happened it was the first day of mardi gras celebrations.
4pm: k. and i just about to take the streetcar (named desire, haha) into the Quarter. residents are very happy that the streetcar is back.
5pm: pre-party dinner at the Gumbo Shop. i had the gumbo, k. had the po'boy. all topped off with some hot spiced rum. mmmmmm... warm the belly topped with a nice buzz.
8:30pm-ish: check out my beads! it was 30 degrees, hence the puffy jacket. no flashing boobies. that's tacky.
i was in bed before 1am. but hey, we started early too!
more nola pics later. so much more to this city than just mardi gras. ok, lent started 4 minutes ago. g'night!
i was in new orleans a few weeks back, vacationing and visiting my best friend. just so happened it was the first day of mardi gras celebrations.
4pm: k. and i just about to take the streetcar (named desire, haha) into the Quarter. residents are very happy that the streetcar is back.
6:30pm: the parade!
...9pm...ish...til the end of the night...haaaaappppyyy mmmaaaardiii graaaaa!
i was in bed before 1am. but hey, we started early too!
more nola pics later. so much more to this city than just mardi gras. ok, lent started 4 minutes ago. g'night!
breathe. b-r-e-a-t-h....e. breathe.
i was just introduced as a new hire at the company-wide meeting. in my introduction, they asked me the james lipton question. after being up until about 1:30am the previous evening finishing up season 4 and starting season 5 of my new favorite show (see previous post), the question surely jump-started my brain at 6:25am pacific.
"what is your favorite word and why?"
...
one that comes to mind is "breathe."
when i was in 6th grade, i participated in a spelling bee, that consisted of other catholic grammar schools in the area. i kinda studied for it, and i didn't realize until i got there, that i pretty much memorized the word list.
the word that came up was, breathe. in that moment a sharp stab of panic struck me, because breathe was not on the word list! only "breath" was! WTF why did she read the word breathe???
ok so i had two options - go with the answer i knew was wrong, but was on the word list, or, go with the right answer.
"breathe. b-r-e-a-t-h....e. breathe."
there was a slight hesitation from the moderator, because she meant to read, "breath"! in those 3-5 seconds that seemed like an eternity, i was already planning to walk straight to my teacher and challenge the decision if they said it was incorrect.
"correct."
whew. whewwwwwwwwww.
i went on to win the spelling bee. it was pretty cool. i did a couple more, and then retired my crown, undefeated. LOL. ok ok. i graduated and had to go to 9th grade. i remember thinking, if i could get a job spelling, i would be set. haha.
breathe is also a favorite word, because it's the first word i "tell" myself, usually without even uttering it, to unlock a stuck thought or situation. to open up another world of options and possibility.
have a super tuesday.
"what is your favorite word and why?"
...
one that comes to mind is "breathe."
when i was in 6th grade, i participated in a spelling bee, that consisted of other catholic grammar schools in the area. i kinda studied for it, and i didn't realize until i got there, that i pretty much memorized the word list.
the word that came up was, breathe. in that moment a sharp stab of panic struck me, because breathe was not on the word list! only "breath" was! WTF why did she read the word breathe???
ok so i had two options - go with the answer i knew was wrong, but was on the word list, or, go with the right answer.
"breathe. b-r-e-a-t-h....e. breathe."
there was a slight hesitation from the moderator, because she meant to read, "breath"! in those 3-5 seconds that seemed like an eternity, i was already planning to walk straight to my teacher and challenge the decision if they said it was incorrect.
"correct."
whew. whewwwwwwwwww.
i went on to win the spelling bee. it was pretty cool. i did a couple more, and then retired my crown, undefeated. LOL. ok ok. i graduated and had to go to 9th grade. i remember thinking, if i could get a job spelling, i would be set. haha.
breathe is also a favorite word, because it's the first word i "tell" myself, usually without even uttering it, to unlock a stuck thought or situation. to open up another world of options and possibility.
have a super tuesday.
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