these words whispered into my dreams... with love.

"Si Tu Me Olvidas"
By Pablo Neruda

Quiero que sepas
una cosa.

Tú sabes cómo es esto:
si miro
la luna de cristal, la rama roja
del lento otoño en mi ventana,
si toco
junto al fuego
la impalpable ceniza
o el arrugado cuerpo de la leña,
todo me lleva a ti,
como si todo lo que existe:
aromas, luz, metales,
fueran pequeños barcos que navegan
hacia las islas tuyas que me aguardan.

Ahora bien,
si poco a poco dejas de quererme
dejaré de quererte poco a poco.

Si de pronto
me olvidas
no me busques,
que ya te habré olvidado.

Si consideras largo y loco
el viento de banderas
que pasa por mi vida
y te decides
a dejarme a la orilla
del corazón en que tengo raíces,
piensa
que en esa día,
a esa hora
levantaré los brazos
y saldrán mis raíces
a buscar otra tierra.

Pero
si cada día,
cada hora,
sientes que a mí estás destinada
con dulzura implacable,
si cada día sube
una flor a tus labios a buscarme,
ay amor mío, ay mía,
en mí todo ese fuego se repite,
en mí nada se apaga ni se olvida,
mi amor se nutre de tu amor, amada,
y mientras vivas estará en tus brazos
sin salir de los míos.


"If You Forget Me"
By Pablo Neruda

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists:
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

Marvin Gaye ... a childhood memory.

the homie e's gift of music conjured up this childhood memory...

I was in first grade, and I usually walked to my sitter's house a few blocks, behind my school. But this day, Mrs. Velasco, my sitter, was waiting in the parking lot, and her mom was in the front seat. She said, I was on my way home and I thought I'd save you a walk. Mrs. Velasco was a sweet lady. Tall, Mexican American, mom of three grown boys, grandma to 2 at the time, knew everyone on the block, and babysat a whole bunch of us kids from the neighboring schools. I enjoyed when she made sun tea and baloney and cheese sandwiches.

It was always lively at her house. We played in the front lawn under a couple birch trees, and when it was hot we swam in the pool. She was my sitter for a couple years until my grandparents moved down and took care of us.

She and her husband Louie had a nickname for me - Trini, derived from my family nickname, and for Trini Lopez (although he's a guy). I thought that was pretty cool. Anyways, so she picked me up and I sat in the back, leaning my head on the breaststrap of the seatbelt. The window was open, and it was a warm, breezy day. Then they announced on the radio that Marvin Gaye had died over the weekend, shot by his father. Mrs. V and her mom gasped in disbelief. "Oh how sad, and it's birthday too?" Mrs. V's mom lamented. Mrs. V was pretty sad... she was a big fan of his music. She asked me if I knew who Marvin Gaye was, and I said no. She told me, he had one of the most beautiful voices she's ever heard.

At 7 years old, I didn't quite know Marvin's music, or rather that it was his. Heard It Through the Grapevine was on a California Raisins commercial. The melody of If This World Was Mine recurs throughout my childhood. As I grew up, as my social consciousness developed, as I fell in love, as I (still) try to figure out life, I've gotten to know his music. I didn't read much about his life until later.... in the end, what a tragedy. But left us with such beauty and soul. Thank you, Marvin.

Violence Against Women Must End! Stop Domestic Violence!

So there are not a lot of things that I speak out on, or rather, against. I must admit, that I've gotten a little soft, a little lazy over the years. I have a lot of friends who are very active and articulate - they talk the talk/walk the walk, and are so dope that they move others - and when agree with them I cede to their words, forward emails, attend events, support organizations, etc. In a sense, I guess you can say that I fall back on the adage that, "actions speak louder than words." And I figure, they say it just right, better than I would say it, so why do I need to?

Well, while that is all well and true, I do realize that I have to get off my ass, or rather, unbutton my lip more often, to join the voices that speak out against injustice. Because injustice and oppression are so immense that they need to be fought with everything we've got.

There are many forms of violence against women. Domestic violence in particular, has been making headline news.

So I was on my way to class this morning (I train in self-defense and martial arts under Guro Eleanor Academia at the Magda Institute). On the radio was Steve Harvey, talking to the Editor-in-Chief of Essence Magazine, discussing the Rihanna & Chris Brown situation. This has been headline news since the incident a month ago. Everytime I hear it or read about it, I just cringe. My heart breaks for her, for young women, for all women who have been beaten by their partner. What pisses me the hell off, are the responses of excuse - "well we don't know all the facts," "she hit him first, he could have crashed his lambo," or the jokes, which I care not to repeat. Because it's not a laughing fucking matter.

These are the thoughts that were also articulated by Steve Harvey and EIC Angela Burt-Murray. He went on to say, that if any man hit a woman he knew and he found out, that he will go out and whoop dude's ass, that dude would have nowhere to hide. Yes. Thank you.

Just before class began, my teacher thanked everyone for the well-wishes as she participated in an all-Filipina cast for the Vagina Monologues. She acknowledged International Women's Day, and the masses of women in Darfur who have been raped and killed, and women globally who suffer from violence. She brought it back to our class - she acknowledged our privilege as women here in the US, that our struggles may not be as extreme as in other countries, but that even as we train to protect ourselves and our loved ones, this is one way we contribute to stopping the violence against women.

While I train with my sisters, my mind is focused, clear. As I am walking back out into the real world, driving home, my teacher's words resonate, as do the voices on the radio. I think about the rest of my day, and how in a few hours I will be joining the women of Gabnet at their annual Political Fashion Show, where together we will continue to raise our voices and our fists to stop violence against women. I thought back to when I was a student employee at UCLA, when my co-worker, another Pinay, whispered to me in hushed tones as we put away books, how her live-in boyfriend had been hitting her. Her quiet plea to please don't tell, and how her mother and sister told her to get over it, that he's a good man and he may have just been mad. Oh and he worked with us too. I couldn't be friendly anymore. But I didn't tell him anything. Oh how I regret it now.

I thought about the organization Break The Cycle, where my homegirl works (shout out to Belle!). She asked me to help out for one of their fundraising events last month. I had a great time, meeting new people and having fun. However, there were these little moments as I walked through the venue, thinking, how many women I've known, strong, fashionable, beautiful... and very well could have been abused. It was a comfort to know that organizations like this exist. I was thankful to experience the words of poet Mayda del Valle, who wrote a piece about domestice violence. (Another time that I felt, see she said it perfectly!) At first she was concerned it would bring down the energy in the club, but it didn't. It reminded us what we were raising funds for that night. I hope you get to hear it one day, if you haven't already =)

I thought about my family members and friends, who have been assaulted and abused. Their faces, their smiles, their voices, their anger, their sadness, their beautiful hearts ... and their will to keep going. I thought about those that I don't know, in Darfur, in the Philippines, here in the US, and all over the world. I thought about what I learn in class and how I have no qualms hitting punching kicking or stabbing someone who has harmed a woman or a child. And I have no qualms about kicking that man in the groin because if you hit a woman, you have no balls anyways.

Physically speaking, women are generally smaller and our brute force tends to be weaker than men. Women, by nature, are non-violent beings, as we have the ability to carry life inside of us. To protect life, a woman must be protected, not attacked.

Sure, we mouth off sometimes, maybe a lot, and we get angry. A woman may even break your heart. Men, that may piss you off. But it is still no reason to lay your hands on her. On us. How would you feel if a man hit your daughter, your sister, your wife, your cousin, your friend, your mother? If someone inflicted pain on someone that you love?

For men who do this - please stop. It's ok to go to counseling to figure out why you do this. It's not impossible to end this behavior. There are therapists and other resources out there to help. It may be difficult but letting go of the anger or whatever else makes you so this, but when you do, you open yourself to a better life. To peace.

Women, my sisters. From the ones I know, to all worldwide. Please don't stay silent if a man hurts you. Don't STAY AT ALL. Speak out. You are not alone, even if it might feel like it. Fuck the judgments and all the other bullshit. Speak out for yourself. Love does not hurt. We are here for you. There are resources out there.

Love does not hurt.

END VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN. NOW.

***

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE(7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224
Break the Cycle: http://breakthecycle.org/
http://www.ncadv.org/protectyourself/GettingHelp_128.html

This Thursday! Come Through!!!

Please come through this Thursday to IMIX BOOKS in Eagle Rock. And come early, space is limited! See you at the entrance (I'm the bouncer. hehe)





BAMBU, DJ PHATRICK, and IMIX BOOKS present:

OFF THE BOOKS

First Thursdays Open Mic @ IMIX Books
with monthly feature artists

8pm-10pm, Doors 7pm
$5-$10 donation.

YOUTH FREE!

IMIX BOOKS
5052 Eagle Rock Blvd.

Los Angeles, CA 90041

OPEN MIC SIGN-UP:
imixopenmic@gmail. com

NEXT OPEN MIC:
Thursday, March 5, 2009!

DUAL RECORD RELEASE PARTY!

SCARUB & VERY (AFRO CLASSICS)



celebrating the release of THE CLASSIC EP


and

ELIGH & JO WILKINSON (Mother & Son)



celebrating the release of ON SACRED GROUND


with

THE BASH BROS.



RSVP ON FACEBOOK!

Weekend Wrap-Ups and Reflections...a film review and my typical randomness

...What a weekend! So lovely I had to just blog about it =)

...Not to mention, it's been on my to-do list forever, to blog more regularly. However with guilty pleasures like Twitter and facebook, it seems like such a task to write more than 140 characters sometimes...haha. But aside from my ultra-private journal entries that go in a journal made of paper, and written with a pen (how archaic, huh?!), I must keep writing! Helps the memory. ...aaaanyways....

Last Friday morning, I was done with the week - had a good, rigorous 4-5 days, and my body was ready to sleep. I looked at my weekend schedule and winced slightly - no sleeping in on Saturday OR Sunday. (sigh).... so I stayed in and slept on Friday (sorry Bam, obviously didn't make it out to Dena)

Saturday at 9am - started with my usual workout with the ladies, which nicely set off my energetic weekend. The traffic-ridden drive on the 101, 110, 105, and 5 let me coordinate my artist's itinerary for the day, catch up with my brother in SF, receive direction from my mom in Alhambra, coordinate with the homegirls for the evening's events, and catch up a little with the homies from Seattle.

By the late afternoon, I'm at the Aratani Japan American Theatre in Little Tokyo, for the premiere of my my friend Tad's film, "A Song for Ourselves." Bam's performing with Kiwi, opening up the show, so I'm doing the manager thing. Our team member Jana Lynne, who usually handles our merch, is handling her own big event at UCI, so I'm out there selling some shirts and CDs. Walking through the backstage brought back fond memories of when we, the Women of the Balagtasan Collective opened for Chicago spoken word group I Was Born With Two Tongues back on 2003.

Out in the front of the house, it was exciting to see everyone who came out - of course, all the homies, some of whom I haven't seen in months; not to mention quite a few Asian American heavyweights - activists, academics, artists (or all three embodied in one!)...Jollene and I watched folks pass, saying, "wow, I read your textbook in college..." so needless to say, I was pretty geeked. There isn't much in the press, or in prominent collective memory of mainstream America, about progressive people of color, much less Asian Americans. So to see these people, our communities together, is an inspiring and constant reminder that the struggle against injustice continues, and we still need to continue to fight, and to build.

So Tad's film. Oh gosh what can I say. Well, I met Tad when he entered UCLA in 1999 or 2000. I was finishing up my coursework, and we were all part of the same crew, bound together by being students of color with progressive beliefs and values, most easily recognized as a coalition called "Students First!" or, "Praxis." What I remember about Tad, was that even in challenging times within the coalition, he always reminded us that we need to work together, that we cannot let "other" forces keep us from forwarding the movement of which we are a part. Now for some of us who were, at the time, a little older, a little jaded, a little tired... it was either music to our ears, or naivete, depending on our mood :)

So I knew Tad as my college buddy, and only later did I find out his cool lineage :), when I watched his first film, Yellow Brotherhood. And then of course I saw Pilgrimage, and I remember thinking as I watched, Tad's message is always the same - we are all connected through our struggles, and we must continue to forward the movement from those that came before us.

A Song for Ourselves. Wow. Again, he weaves the personal with the political, as he did in YB. In doing community work - or hell, just working period - sometimes a person can get so involved with their work, that one can become disconnected with our own humanity. In introducing the story of Chris Iijima to us, it was a beautiful reminder, that as people who identify as "activist," or "political," or "progressive," who constantly struggle with our beliefs versus the reality and practical application of those beliefs, that there is no ... exact discourse; no exact roadmap, to accomplishing that "greater goal" of justice and self-determination. "...you can be 'political' and a human being. You can make your life a 'normal' life, and take your politics with you... it's possible."

All of our principled actions contribute to that greater goal, of which the motivator, the moving force, is love. Love was prevalent in this film - love within the movement, the community, friendship, family and even romantic love. (geez, maybe that's why I cried through most of it! haha) On commenting about their partnership, Chris told hiw wife Jane that in his 20s he would not have dated a white woman (something that will always be taboo in ethnic communities). What they have - it was just, love. That's all. No boundaries, just love. It didn't detract from his life, or his work. Jane noted that it was the community's power that carried their family though Chris's sickness. And of course it tugged at my LA heartstrings when he said, he found community in Los Angeles =).

The performances, of course, were amazing. The Native Guns performed - a special request from Tad. It was nice to hear folks still remember the call-and-response. It conjured up memories of when I worked with the group, and that time of my life. It was an honor to get to hear Nobuko and Charlie Chin (very witty guy!). They had a stool there too, I take it, that was for Chris. I didn't get to watch the Blue Scholars, but the sound of the bass and Geo's signature baritone reverberated past the walls well enough :)

The homegirl Krish and I finally got to experience Kogi BBQ tacos together. How nice was Bam to watch the merch table while she and I elbowed our way to the top of the line.

So that was Saturday. Haha.

Sunday was lovely and peaceful. It was a beautiful, sunshine day. Waking hours were spent nursing my sweetie and his 101 degree fever. :( Stocked up the fridge with his favorite water, gatorade, and chicken soup. Wrapped him up in blankets, and as he slept, I was off to the West Valley with my roommate to do some girly wedding prep stuff, as well as some light shopping. I took note of some lovely stilettos, that I will return to after the March bills are paid.

Next up was my goddaughter Kaya's birthday party. It's always happy love to see Malcolm and Kaya... to hear Malcolm scream "Auntie Kat!" upon seeing me through the net of the moonbounce - music to my ears.

After stuffing myself with Vallarta marinated chicken and carne asada topped with sweet onions, cilantro and a dollop of salsa.... I gave my kumadre Vanessa aka SuperMom a hug and a kiss, and was back on the 101 south. Just wound down the day and the weekend as the sun set... thankful for fevers that broke, for friends, for music, for children, for sunshine.

...Have a great week!

The Ways We Love

December 30, 2008
The Ways We Love
Choosing to Have a Mate or Being Single

The way we choose to love can be as unique as the way we choose to make a living, maintain our health, or entertain ourselves. Some choose to seek out a mate and enter into a partnership with a special individual, while others find immense satisfaction in staying single. There is no right or wrong way to be in your life when it comes to deciding whether or not to be in a relationship, even though society tends to put an emphasis on romantic partnerships. Whether you choose to go through life as part of a romantic relationship or live as a single unit, there are benefits to both. Feel free to be comfortable with whatever choice is right for you.

Choosing to be single is a wonderful way to spend time discovering yourself. You have more time and space to figure out what and how you want your life to be without having to keep someone else’s choices in mind. Being single gives you the freedom to do what you want at a moment’s notice and the pride that comes with facing life on your own terms. Companionship, support, and affection can be found while spending quality time with friends, colleagues, and relatives. There is also the fun that comes with being able to date many different people without having to make a commitment. Choosing to have a mate, on the other hand, brings with it an opportunity to share your life with another person. There is comfort in the knowledge that you are facing the world with someone as a united front. When life is challenging, you are in a position to strengthen, as well as give each other comfort. There is also the inevitable transformation of self that comes from allowing another person t! o so intimately be a part of your life.

Remember that what is right for one person may not be right for another, and people can transition between wanting to be with another person and wanting to be alone many times over the course of their lives. Whether you seek out a mate or live the single life, embracing it fully will ensure that either choice is as fulfilling as possible for you.

source: DailyOm.com

"Serbis"

New Filipino films challenge status quo

By Jonathan Landreth

Nov 10, 2008, 01:16 PM ET

Corrected: Nov 10, 2008, 04:21 PM ET

NEW YORK -- The crumbling Manila movie theater at the center of director Brillante Mendoza's indie film "Serbis" could be a body-double for Filipino moviemaking.

"But no, please, don't say that," protests Yam Laranas, another director, whose just-completed Hollywood remake of his own 2004 horror film "Sigaw" signals a possible new career path for Filipino artists.

"There's also a new breed coming up with new styles and techniques and adapting to new ways of getting out there," Laranas, 39, says over the phone from Manila.

Remakes? New techniques? It's about time for a second coming because making movies for the largely Catholic audience in the Southeast Asian nation of 90 million people hasn't paid much to more than a few lucky filmmakers for at least 10 years.

Even celebrity-obsessed Filipinos now wait months to watch movies on TV or cable. In the global recession, they're sure to snap up first-run films on pirated DVDs for 30 Philippine Pesos ($0.63) rather than splurge tickets costing four times as much.

According to the Motion Picture Association of America, which -- at last check in 2005 -- estimated 78% of the discs sold in the Philippines were bootlegs, Filipino cinema owners are the worst offenders in Asia for failing to stop illegal camcording. "We stand by these numbers today," an MPA official says.

These days, the Philippines releases fewer than 50 mainstream films a year into its cinemas, down from nearly 300 a year during the heyday of the 1970s and '80s. By the early 1990s, when a spate of bomb scares at shopping malls scatteredmoviegoers, the industry was in a tailspin.

Rising as fast as the industry around him collapsed, 48-year-old "Dante" Mendoza, (many Filipinos take nicknames to shorten long, formal Christian names), took "Serbis," his seventh film, to Cannes in May. The film, set in a rundown family-owned cinema whose owners, to make ends meet, resort to showing skin flicks to crowds of gay hustlers, didn't win but it did sell: Fortissimo Films rapidly cut deals for distribution in Canada, France, Israel, the Benelux countries and the U.S. -- even though it was barely seen in the Philippines.

There, screens are dominated by Filipino-language comedies and John Hughes-style teenybopper movies, most of which get a run for their money from Hollywood films in English, the nation's fluent second tongue.

Indeed, the MPA doesn't complain about Filipino market barriers. Film imports aren't capped as they are in China and local movie houses often favor Hollywood blockbusters made for hundreds of millions of dollars over even the biggest local films. The average local budget is less than 35 million pesos ($728,000).

Refusing to call the glass half empty, Laranas says that, after 300 years "in the convent" (under Spanish rule) and 45 years "under Hollywood's spell" (as a U.S. colony until 1946), the storytelling culture of The Philippines now faces a new opportunity.

"In terms of canvas and the medium, it's all changed. New filmmakers will eventually become the mainstream, changing the story as they go," says Laranas, whose real name is William.

Paving the way for part of this new wave was Cinemalaya, a local film festival held in Manila each July for the last four years. ("Malaya" means "freedom" in Tagalog, the dominant Filipino dialect).

Funded by TV and cable station owner Tony "Boy" Cojuangco and the Film Development Council of the Philippines, Cinemalaya grants each winning project 200,000 pesos ($4,178).

Early Cinemalaya selection committee member and judge "Manet" Dayrit says most projects are made by a crew of friends for less than 2 million pesos ($41,000). She says their quality has risen rapidly each year.

However, Dayrit, the managing director of Roadrunner Network, the Philippines' largest post-production house (in turn owned by Star Cinemas, the biggest studio), cautions that aspirants to Mendoza's fast path to glory could be disappointed.

"Young, fresh filmmakers are making digital movies with a new outlook and without a formula," she says. "Trouble is, most of them still lack distributors and a real market locally or overseas. They may be capturing the imagination at film festivals, but as a business, we still have to figure this out."

An optimist, Laranas still allows "99% of the movies in the resurgence are of low technical quality, presenting real problems for overseas distributors." "Sigaw" (and now its remake "The Echo") is one of the lucky ones. It was inspired by a real-life murder in Laranas' Manila apartment building. He says it made back four times its $300,000 budget at the domestic boxoffice and then "more than paid back its budget" again when No. 2 Filipino studio, Regal Entertainment, sold remake rights to Roy Lee and RightOff Entertainment in Los Angeles.

Elsewhere, Chris Martinez, 37, won the audience award at the Pusan International Film Festival in October with his directorial debut, "100." Unlike the escapist scripts he'd written with names like "Bridal Shower" and "Bikini Open," "100" chronicles a cancer patient going through her list of things to do before she dies. Still, the movie is a celebration, Martinez says on the phone from Manila.

Martinez says he has nothing against the Filipino stories that do well at foreign film festivals that exoticize and romanticize poverty, but wants the world to know that his country has "other stories away from the slums and squatter areas."

Though Martinez hopes "100" is the first Filipino indie to succeed in telling a story about Manila's middle, educated, financially comfortable class, the film hasn't yet made any money. Still, he feels that audiences have liked it for its perceived variety.

"They must have been shocked to see that we too love Haagen Dazs, travel to Disneyland and drive SUVs," Martinez said.

But what an audience finds entertaining is different all over the world and isn't guaranteed to travel. As such, Wouter Barendrecht, Fortissimo Films co-chairman, says that "Serbis" was sold not as a Filipino film but rather as a film by Brillante Mendoza. So-called "passport sales," made on the director's nationality, can only be made once or twice, he says.

Noting that many Filipino dramas are sobby, three-hanky affairs, Barendrecht says, "If you're Meryl Streep, in the West you win an Oscar for crying without tears. In Southeast Asia, the dry-cry is not appreciated. This can be a commercial handicap."

Hence, even when a film like "Serbis" lands big-territory distribution it still isn't guaranteed to make bundles. Regent Films will release "Serbis" in New York and L.A. in Spring 2009, targeting Filipinos, film buffs and, says Mark Reinhart, the gay community, which "should help the film a lot." Still, Reinhart says, referring to the leading art house cinema chains in the U.S., "The Laemmles and the Landmarks will take it, but I don't think it will go much further."

The Hollywood Reporter