I gotta see what's up before it gets me down....

yesterday.

was kinda in a funk. morning had good energy, with the sun warming up the city. but i dunno just one of those days where i was on some uugh whatevers. nothing was 'right.' again with the... 'what is my purpose and what am i doing with my life' ish. as one of my good friends would say, "would you like some cheese with that whine?" lol.

dailyom's message for the day: ....if complaining has become a huge part of our identities, it may be time to take a good look at how we are spending our energy.

basically telling my ass to shut the hell up already. it's all really not that serious.

pulled in a bit of a late day at work, and then went to the COMMON show at hob. the late show. yes i did complain that it was late. that i'm getting old and can't hang. my feet hurt (breaking in some new cute shoes). that there was traffic. and no parking. well, $30 parking (wtf tho, right?!) and obnoxious frat boys.

earlier that evening ana and i reminisced about how we used to be so active, angry, we hustled, we didn't let sh*t get to us. we let people have it! what happened to our dreams ... like mine of opening a performance space/office/gallery/storefront. lol. read: more complaining.

when we got situated, and Com came on, finally the lesson of the day hit me. here i was, out with the homegirls, enjoying some good music and good times. even though i've seen him i think about 10 times, Common is still special because, in addition to his skill as an MC and performer, I admire his growth as a quality artist over the years. Didn't succumb to violent or misogynist hip hop. Didn't leave hip hop behind in his quest for other things. Also brought him to my campus in my undergrad days. My ex group opened for him, and that was special to witness too.

no more complaining. it was a great show. in addition to his string of dope songs... i was particularly happy to hear "drivin me wild" live, amongst the other good ditties.

busta rhymes and mr. misunderstood kanye made appearances. kanye did 3 songs. nice =)

***

today.

dailyom:

Small Steps To Big Change
Making Big Change Easier

Sometimes the goals we set for ourselves are merely indicators of the need for change and are useful in getting us moving in the right direction. But it is possible that once we try out what seemed so ideal, we may find that it doesn’t actually suit us, or make us feel the way we had hoped. ...Taking small steps forward gives us time to adjust and find secure footing on our new path.

Life doesn't always give us the opportunity to anticipate or prepare for a big change, and we may find ourselves overwhelmed by what is in front of us. By choosing one thing to work on at a time, we focus our attention on something manageable, and eventually we will look up to see that we have accomplished quite a bit. Forcing change is, in essence, a sign that we do not trust the universe’s wisdom.

i have to remember small steps are ok. sometimes i belittle my "issues" because i don't see them as "as big" as what others got going on - kids, marriage, mortgage, health, etc. i have to remember not to compare my ish with someone else's, rather to respect that this is what the universe gave me, so i must follow suit. just me, no one else. even if they keep knocking at my door, calling my phone, emailing, im'ing, texting... i'll get to you don't trip. just let me get there. i tend to concern myself with what other's think, to a fault sometimes. and then get all anxious, and freeze up...

ok. need to stop all that. break's over.